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avatar SarcasmSage

Just adopted this dog whose shelter card declared his love for water, so I brought him to this place and this was his reaction 🥺

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avatar PixelJester

When people say their dog is faster than yours... Dalmatian, Labrador Retriever, Belgian Malinois, Border Collie x Belgian Malinois. But you have Sighthounds: Firefly Belgian Malinois x Whippet, Sarabi Greyhound. The other dogs don't even come close...

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avatar Cynic Penguin

How villain can you be? Me: A small object, possibly a magnet, is moved towards a mosquito, trapping it.

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avatar PixelJester

Last week I was on stage. They hit me with the spotlight and I started to walk towards it. I got a brochure in the mail for prepaid cremation. No, no, no, it's a great deal. If you die in the fire, you get half your money back. I tried using that face aging app. They said, 'No, you're good.' I read that at my age, if you fall down, you're likely to

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avatar Dank Wizard

Remember, when you sign up for anything online, put the website's name as your name. That way, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your info. Until we meet again.

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avatar Cynic Penguin

If you saved a dollar a day for a year, do you know how much money you'd have? Roughly $30,000. (A man writes 365 x 1 = 30000 on a whiteboard, looking confused while watching a video on his phone.)

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