To the culprit who ate what you thought was two peanut butter ice cream bars: Those were actually laxatives for my dog that had to be kept frozen. I hope you enjoyed the weekend of lava butt. Karma's a bitch. Don't steal it from the fridge if it's not yours. Love, Constipated dog owner
You will die in 30 minutes. What do you do? Eat all of the mega-laxatives in the medicine cabinet, drink a half gallon of milk, eat the rest of the ricotta cheese in the fridge, get in my car, drive to my former employer, bum-rush the lobby, spin in circles knocking everything over, guzzle some hydrogen peroxide and then toss myself at my old boss'
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