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avatar SarcasmSage
My daughter went to babysit for a new client. Single mom. Almost no furniture. Water is turned off. Instead of leaving, my daughter said she'd watch the kids for free and texted me:

My daughter went to babysit for a new client. Single mom. Almost no furniture. Water is turned off. Instead of leaving, my daughter said she'd watch the kids for free and texted me: "Dad, can we get her water turned on?" Yes, we can. I love that kid

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avatar toastOfchaos
Kill Bill is a violent movie. But it's a Tarantino movie.
You don't go to see Metallica and ask the fuckers to turn the music down.

Kill Bill is a violent movie. But it's a Tarantino movie. You don't go to see Metallica and ask the fuckers to turn the music down.

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avatar SarcasmSage
IF YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS COMPLICATED, THINK OF 'EMMANUEL MACRON', CURRENT PRESIDENT OF FRANCE. HE'S 41 YEARS OF AGE. HIS 1ST STEPSON IS 44 YEARS OLD, HIS 2ND STEPPSON IS 42 YEARS OLD AND HIS WIFE IS 66 YEARS OLD. TECHNICALLY HE'S THE LAST BORN IN HIS OWN FAMILY.

IF YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS COMPLICATED, THINK OF 'EMMANUEL MACRON', CURRENT PRESIDENT OF FRANCE. HE'S 41 YEARS OF AGE. HIS 1ST STEPSON IS 44 YEARS OLD, HIS 2ND STEPPSON IS 42 YEARS OLD AND HIS WIFE IS 66 YEARS OLD. TECHNICALLY HE'S THE LAST BORN IN HIS OWN FAMILY.

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avatar PixelJester
TAKE IT PERSONALLY, AT THIS AGE MFS KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

TAKE IT PERSONALLY, AT THIS AGE MFS KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

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avatar Cynic Penguin
The four stages of a day off:
1. I will do so much stuff
2. Later I'll do lots of stuff
3. Eventually, I'll do some stuff
4. Oh no.

The four stages of a day off: 1. I will do so much stuff 2. Later I'll do lots of stuff 3. Eventually, I'll do some stuff 4. Oh no.

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avatar toastOfchaos
Every year for as long as I can remember, I received a Valentine's card from a secret admirer & I was disappointed that I didn’t get one this year. First my grandma dies, & now this.

Every year for as long as I can remember, I received a Valentine's card from a secret admirer & I was disappointed that I didn’t get one this year. First my grandma dies, & now this.

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